MPR Softball

“Correct thinkers think that ‘baseball trivia’ is an oxymoron: nothing
about baseball is trivial.”
-George Will

“That goes double for softball, you pompous twit.”
-The Historian

The quote: “Best crop of rookies since 1984″ (Gary Eichten)…. The weather: For the first time in most Old Farts’ memory, there are no rainouts during the regular season. The only rain postponement is the Pups/Farts Game…. The disappointing trend: Early-season chalk-talk numbers are shockingly low…. The turnaround: rookie Gus Liepitz sends out an e-mail demanding better attendance. This actually works. In the end, 38 people show up at the post-Pups/Farts chalk talk…. The milestone: We began playing in the state employees’ league in 1986, so this season marks our 20th anniversary…. The low point: Savoy scores 60 runs against us in one game-the most ever, quoth the Historian. Worth noting: we actually don’t play all that badly; it could have been worse…. The fashion statement: We encounter our first-ever female opponent in a haute-couture peekaboo blouse, or, as Linda Wareham puts it, “black fishnet top with a cropped tank top underneath and LOTS of pasty white skin bubbling up”…. The tangentially related item: JR Mac’s waitress Erin passes out business cards to the team-she is studying to become a certified body waxer…. The Historian’s surmise: Several team members have patronized Erin’s burgeoning business on their way to the banquet…. The sad truth: Most team members don’t much care whether their body waxers are certified or not…. The macho moment: Randy Greenly shows up at the bar on the same day he has hernia surgery…. The moxie moment: During a transitory moment of wildness for pitcher Al Schoch, rookie catcher Maria Montello actually goes out to the mound and encourages him to throw strikes. This catcher-to-mound visit, while common throughout the world of baseball, is a team first…. The faux pas: Tim Dennis answers his cell phone and converses. In the middle of an inning. While standing on third base…. The brave new stat: Tom Scheck inaugurates a tradition of noting, in the official score book, the number of people at the bar, the total of the food bill, and the waitress’s name…. The reason we don’t offshore any aspect of this team: Rookie Ochen Kahlen creates a nifty piece of software that allows for easy manipulation of online rosters and shows the coach when the lineup is out of proper gender balance…. The tournament roundup: Trailing 6-3 in the semifinals, we rally against last year’s champion, Cherry Pit, when Tom Scheck smacks a three-run homer to tie the game and
then, moments later, Nancy Rothman-having been mercilessly robbed by web gems all afternoon-hits a single that drives in her husband with the game-winning run. It’s the first time we’ve ever beaten Cherry Pit, and it’s all the sweeter because, earlier in the day, a Pit player had been heard to remark to the tournament director, “Just give us the first-place trophy now.” Though we lose in the finals to a Savoy team peopled by swaggering louts with BALCO-related subpoenas stuffed in their hip pockets, we are the only team in the league to win tournament hardware in each of the last two seasons. The Whippet family highlight reel: Johnny Rothman not only plays for the team, he plays shortstop-just like his dad. And he turns an unassisted double play-just like his dad. But unlike his dad, he doesn’t have to fake a throw to first in order to turn it.